It’s Christmas Day 2020, and we’re back in lockdown because of Covid-19. We’re encouraged to stay within our bubbles, so I’m heading down to southeast London to spend Christmas with my parents for a couple of days.
I don’t expect to hear much from Stephen.
It’s Christmas, after all. I assume he’ll be occupied with his own family, and it’s been my experience that people tend to become consumed by the demands of an important holiday.
But as I’m getting ready to leave, my phone starts lighting up.
It’s Stephen.
I’m surprised, but I’m also rather flattered.
Since he first replied to my initial message, I’ve been quietly questioning his motivation for connecting with me. Is he a player? Is he simply looking for sex? Is he a fantasist who has become caught up in the excitement of a new connection?
I don’t know.
What I do know is that he seems genuinely enthusiastic about getting to know me, and he’s already talking with considerable excitement about the potential between us.
It’s exciting, but it’s also moving faster than I’m comfortable with.
So I try to rein it in.
I tell him that although we’re getting on remarkably well, we have to remember that we haven’t actually met. Once we are standing in front of each other, everything could change. We might discover that the chemistry we’ve felt through our messages simply isn’t there in person.
Stephen doesn’t seem particularly concerned.
He tells me he doesn’t think that will happen.
I find his confidence both flattering and slightly bewildering.
I’m conscious of the age difference, too. I’m an older woman. I’ve had two children. I know that, if Stephen wanted to, he could potentially be dating someone younger than me.
I tell him as much.
His response is reassuring.
He tells me that his attraction to women isn’t simply about physical appearance. Age is just a number. Beauty is only skin deep.
I find his attitude incredibly encouraging.
He tells me that both of his previous girlfriends were older than him, and with that new information, I start to wonder whether perhaps he simply has a preference for older women.
Maybe I’m worrying unnecessarily.
He even tells me more about one of his former girlfriends, describing her as a very large woman who had significant scarring.
I find myself reassured by this.
It suggests that Stephen isn’t looking for some particular physical ideal. Perhaps I don’t need to be self-conscious about my age or the changes my body has gone through after having children.
For the first time in a long while, I’m talking to a man who seems to be telling me that those things don’t matter.
And I like hearing that.
Our messages continue throughout Christmas Day.
That surprises me, too.
I’d expected the conversation to naturally quieten while we both got on with our families and Christmas celebrations, but Stephen seems keen to keep me updated about what he’s doing and equally interested in what I’m doing.
I like it.
There’s something lovely about being connected to someone on Christmas Day, even though we’ve never met. It gives me the strange feeling that, in some small way, we’re sharing the day together.
At one point, he sends me a video of his torso wearing a Christmas jumper.
Across it is the familiar quote from Home Alone:
“Keep the change, you filthy animal.”
I laugh.
I like the fact that he’s willing to send me something so silly and self-deprecating rather than trying to present himself as impossibly cool or sophisticated.
And, if I’m honest, I also notice that he has a good physique.
There is definitely an attraction developing.
But alongside the excitement, that little question in the back of my mind refuses to disappear.
Why me?
Why is this man so interested in me?
I find myself considering two possibilities.
Either Stephen is a very clever man who knows exactly what he’s doing and exactly how to get what he wants…
Or he’s a rather naïve man who simply hasn’t yet experienced the kind of love and reciprocation he’s looking for.
I don’t know which it is.
Perhaps, I think, I’ll find out when we meet.
By now, the idea of meeting has become something we’re both genuinely excited about.
We make arrangements for 27 December.
It will be our opportunity to discover whether the chemistry we’ve been feeling through our messages actually exists when we’re standing in front of each other.
Covid and the restrictions around Christmas mean we can’t simply meet in a café or go somewhere for a drink. So we come up with something that feels almost wonderfully romantic in its simplicity.
There’s a park with a lake close to Stephen’s home.
We’ll meet there.
The plan is to start at different points and walk around the lake in opposite directions until we eventually meet somewhere along the path.
Then we’ll see what happens.
It’s such an unusual way to meet someone for the first time that I find myself rather charmed by it.
There is something playful about the whole thing.
And I like that.
Stephen seems romantic, just as I am, and already there is a sense that we could have a lot of fun together.
For now, that’s enough.
Christmas Day is coming to an end, and tomorrow I’ll be one day closer to finding out whether the man I’ve been talking to so intensely really is the man I’ve imagined him to be.
